Thoughtful Thursday....Intentions

As I took Rally for his early morning walk, I asked myself, 'Self...what have you been thinking about this week?" And while I haven't been thinking about it all week, last night at church got me thinking about intentions....
I have been attending the Love & Respect class on Wednesday nights. I read this book years ago. I hated it. I still hate it. It asks us to do things that do not come naturally to us. I get that it is for our greater good, but I hate it.
BUT...I know that it is all true, and it is really good stuff.
Anyway.......the foundation of the class is:

Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Husbands are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands. Not as easy as it sounds! But it is mandated by God.

Another big idea that is taught in the class is to give one another the benefit of the doubt. Don't assume that your spouse means what you think they mean. When your spouse says something to you that you find offensive or hurtful, give them the benefit of the doubt that they did not mean for their words to be taken in the way that you receive them.  Hard work!!!!!

Let's face it...most arguments/disagreements/deep discussions/divorce? are caused due to misunderstanding. Communication is not the key...understanding is! We can talk and communicate until we are blue in the face, but if we do not understand one another, it is useless.(just a note: I suck at this! I am writing this for myself. I am probably the only one reading this that needs to hear it.

So, how do we do this? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe, we could purpose to not react to one another's words until we are clear on what is being said and why.

Here is my example that I shared in class last night
(I don't usually like to share in class, but as I was sitting there and different people were speaking, it sounded to me like they all have perfect marriages and don't need to be in a marriage class. So I wanted to speak for those of us that do struggle.)

When I feel that Jeremy is being too hard on one of the boys, I usually give him a "look" that is meant for only him to see.

My intention in this "look" is for Jeremy to step back and think about what he is doing and hopefully, back off realizing that he is going overboard. The heart behind that intention is that I want Jeremy and his sons to develop and grow a rich, meaningful, lasting relationship. When I see one of the boys shut down and internalize his anger, I see that relationship being torn down rather than built up. I also know that when you get caught up into the cyle of the battle-of-the wills, it is hard to draw yourself out without some external interruption.

When Jeremy sees my "look" he reacts as though I have completely undermined who he is as a parent. From what I am learning, I assume that he feels disrespected. And he reacts accordingly. Which usually ends up with us not talking for a period of time.

So, I need to find a way to let my heart and intentions be known and, in this case, Jeremy needs to not assume that I am undermining his authority.
Am I wrong? Are we the only ones?