Twas the Night Before the New School Year

As much as I love my job, I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Once this school year starts, I have my full-time job, graduate school classes, my internship, my family and you know... my Kindle... So much to do, so little time to do it because losing sleep is not an option, nor is giving up reading time. My Kindle is an attachment. The only reason my phone would take 1st place in my technology life is because it has the Kindle App. If not, my Kindle would be my #1.
My oldest son is starting college next month. WHAT???? My youngest is starting his Junior year in high school. What a crazy year ahead of us.
I just finished Colleen Hoover's book, It Ends With Us, and I'm feeling out of sorts. Feeling out of sorts because of a FICTIONAL story is ridiculous. I know this. So let's recap...
I start back to work tomorrow
I have graduate school classes
I have a graduate school internship
My oldest is going to College
My youngest is a junior
I am ridiculously affected by fictional novels
.................................
Yah. I need to get a grip on reality. FOCUS, Shanna!!!!!
I've got this. I love my job. I am good at my job. I am excited to see my coworkers. I love the students, for the most part. My graduate program will be OVER in June. I will have a Master's Degree in Education, School Counseling. I am going to be an AMAZING school counselor. My boys will do great in school and life. I love my husband and he loves me. I have totally got this!!!!! Bring it 2016-17 School year!!!!!

Don't Give in to the Enemy's Lies

I’m ugly.             I’m dumb.    I have no friends.    Nobody would care if I died.      I’ll never have a girlfriend that loves me.      I’ll never have a boyfriend that loves me.             I’ll never find the perfect person for me.   I don’t deserve to be happy. I need a boyfriend and then I’ll be happy.       I need a girlfriend, and then I’ll be happy.       My parents don’t love me.                  My parents don’t even care about me.   My parents would be better off without me.             Everyone --  is prettier –better looking –has more friends than me.      Nothing that I ever do will matter.    I am a loser.     What’s the point?     Everything would be better if life were just over.

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies………

The worst, most harmful lies are not the ones that others tell about you. The most harmful, destructive lies are the ones that Satan whispers in our ears about ourselves, and/or those that love us and that we love the most.

These lies only do damage when we allow them to. If we do what the Word says when one of these lies is whispered, we would reject it. Replace it with the truth.

Sometimes the hardest part is recognizing the lies for what they are. It seems that it’s always easier to believe the lies. I have a theory for this.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.

When we believe the lies, it leads to feelings of defeat, which leads us to behave in a defeated manner. We give up. We throw in the towel. “It’s not worth it anymore. Nothing I do will make a difference anyway.” It’s the path of least resistance.

When we refute the lies, it requires action. We are required to exert energy-- mental, emotional, and physical. 2 Cor. 10:4 starts out with “the weapons of our warfare…”. This is war!  Truth is the one offensive weapon in our arsenal. The Word of God is Truth. (For more about our weapons, see Ephesians 6:10-20.)

Believing the lie leads to defeat. 

Believing the truth is a call to action.

Satan’s most powerful and effective weapon is lies. He is the father of all lies and enemy of your soul. He desires for each of us (You and Me) to turn away from God and live miserable, lonely lives. His purpose is to destroy God’s plan, which is stated in Jeremiah 29:11.

 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

The longer that we listen to these lies, the more we repeat them to ourselves. Before long, we believe that the lies are the truth.  

We convince ourselves that we are not good enough, nobody cares about us, nobody understands how we feel or what we are going through. Nobody has ever felt this way or had this problem. I’ll never be happy again. This is just the way it has to be. I’m going to be miserable no matter what I do. There is no hope. My marriage can’t be fixed. I’ll never love my husband/wife again. This relationship will never be restored, so there is no point in trying. I’m just going to settle for life like this. My children are going to do what they are going to do no matter what I say or do, so what’s the point. I give up.

When our thoughts are so deeply entrenched in these lies, we can’t even see the light of the Truth through the darkness of deception.

What are some consequences of believing the lies?

*feelings of loneliness

*isolation

*seeking relief of the despair through

            -alcohol

            -drugs

            -unhealthy relationships

            -eating disorders

            -gambling

            -destructive behavior to oneself or others

            -reckless behavior

*strained relationships

*broken relationships

*disconnection

*separation from God

*loss of hope

One, if the not most far reaching consequences is when one so gives into the lies that they completely lose all hope and take their own life. Suicide is always a result of believing Satan’s lies.

****PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, if you are EVER having thoughts of ending it all, REACH OUT to someone. A friend, teacher, parent of a friend, pastor, hotline, counselor, SOMEBODY!!! 

You are loved. Ending your life is not a solution. It is a life of pain and suffering for those who know and love you.

Satan wants you to die in bondage. 

Christ wants you to live in freedom.

So what do I do?

John 8:32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Know the Truth. Read the Word. When you know the Truth, it will be easier to recognize the lies.

Philippians 4:8

Amplified Bible (AMP)

For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].

Refute the lies of the enemy with most powerful antidote- the TRUTH.

God loves you with an everlasting love.

Jeremiah 31:3 The Lord appeared from of old to me [Israel], saying, Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn you and continued My faithfulness to you. 

God formed you in your mother’s womb.

Psalm 139:13 For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

God has a plan for you.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

You are a co-heir with Christ.

Romans 8:17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Jesus loves you and gave His life for you.

1 John 3:16 This is how we know what real love is: Jesus gave his life for us.

You are more than a conqueror.

Romans 8:37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Jesus wants you to receive His peace and life everlasting.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

1 John 2:25 And this is what he promised us—eternal life.


So... take up your weapons and fight the battle in front of you. 

Freedom, peace, hope and eternity are worth the effort!!!!!

^{Philippians 3:14} 

I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

What I Feel vs. What I Know....(today, at least)

O God,

I feel so depleted.

I feel empty.

I feel as though I am withered.

I feel that if this is all there is, what is the point.

I feel alone.

I feel forgotten.

I feel like walking away.

But,

I KNOW that you are my sustenance.

I KNOW that when I am empty YOU fill me.

I KNOW that you are the LIVING WATER to replenish me.

I KNOW that there is a PRIZE and I must press on toward the goal.

I KNOW that YOU are my EVER-PRESENT HELP IN TIME OF NEED.

I KNOW that YOU love me with an EVERLASTING LOVE.

I KNOW there is nowhere I can go that is hidden from YOU.

and

My HOPE is in YOU!

Good Friday

Giving up Facebook for Lent has seemed to be pointless. I haven't done anything super spiritual. Unfortunately, I haven't spent any extra time reading my Bible, or any deep time of prayer and fasting. I haven't even gotten my house clean.
But, over the past week I have been reflecting on Christ's last week before His death on the cross.
In our 5th Grade Sunday School class last Sunday, I spoke about "Passion". What are we passionate about? If you are passionate about something you are willing to suffer for it. Athletes that are passionate about being the best and becoming a professional suffer much for their sport. They work out to exhaustion. They allow their bodies to be beat up. They push through the pain and wanting to quit, because that is what it takes to accomplish greatness in athletics.
Students that are passionate about becoming doctors/lawyers/teachers.... suffer to accomplish their goal. Their is financial suffering. They have to give up some extra curricular things that they would like to do, in order to accomplish their passion. They work hard, study hard, and push through exhaustion and frustration. All for what they are passionate about.
On Palm Sunday Christ reentered Jerusalem, knowing what was ahead of Him. He was not looking forward to it. During that week, He prayed to God at least twice “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”Matthew 26:39 and 42.
There is a song  "When I was on the cross You were on My mind". That is true, but we were on His mind His whole earthly life. We are what Christ is passionate about. He willingly walked that scary, overwhelming, dreadful path because of his passionate love for us. For each and every person that has ever and will ever be conceived. That is a really big concept.
Jesus loves YOU so much that He willingly gave Himself over to suffer a horrible death to be final and perfect sacrifice, to cover all sin.
This Good Friday that is what I am thinking about. Jesus is passionate about me. Jesus is passionate about my kids. Jesus is passionate about my husband. If He weren't He would not have walked that road. He would have stayed in Heaven, where the streets are gold and there are no tears, no suffering, no sadness, no death. But He came. He suffered. He died. He is passionate about you.
Good Friday is the day we "celebrate" (that is a terrible word) "reflect on" (that is better) His death. BUT......Easter Sunday is right around the corner. Without Good Friday, we cannot celebrate Easter. Without His death, there is no Resurrection. Today I reflect on His death. I am thankful for it. I am overwhelmed by it. I do not understand. On the 3rd day, I will Celebrate His Resurrection. He overcomes sin, death and the grave so that YOU and I can have a one on one relationship with God. We can know God and we can live with HIM forever. We just have to accept that and make that choice.
He is passionate about you. Get to know Him if you don't already.

Thoughtful Thursday....Intentions

As I took Rally for his early morning walk, I asked myself, 'Self...what have you been thinking about this week?" And while I haven't been thinking about it all week, last night at church got me thinking about intentions....
I have been attending the Love & Respect class on Wednesday nights. I read this book years ago. I hated it. I still hate it. It asks us to do things that do not come naturally to us. I get that it is for our greater good, but I hate it.
BUT...I know that it is all true, and it is really good stuff.
Anyway.......the foundation of the class is:

Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Husbands are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands. Not as easy as it sounds! But it is mandated by God.

Another big idea that is taught in the class is to give one another the benefit of the doubt. Don't assume that your spouse means what you think they mean. When your spouse says something to you that you find offensive or hurtful, give them the benefit of the doubt that they did not mean for their words to be taken in the way that you receive them.  Hard work!!!!!

Let's face it...most arguments/disagreements/deep discussions/divorce? are caused due to misunderstanding. Communication is not the key...understanding is! We can talk and communicate until we are blue in the face, but if we do not understand one another, it is useless.(just a note: I suck at this! I am writing this for myself. I am probably the only one reading this that needs to hear it.

So, how do we do this? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe, we could purpose to not react to one another's words until we are clear on what is being said and why.

Here is my example that I shared in class last night
(I don't usually like to share in class, but as I was sitting there and different people were speaking, it sounded to me like they all have perfect marriages and don't need to be in a marriage class. So I wanted to speak for those of us that do struggle.)

When I feel that Jeremy is being too hard on one of the boys, I usually give him a "look" that is meant for only him to see.

My intention in this "look" is for Jeremy to step back and think about what he is doing and hopefully, back off realizing that he is going overboard. The heart behind that intention is that I want Jeremy and his sons to develop and grow a rich, meaningful, lasting relationship. When I see one of the boys shut down and internalize his anger, I see that relationship being torn down rather than built up. I also know that when you get caught up into the cyle of the battle-of-the wills, it is hard to draw yourself out without some external interruption.

When Jeremy sees my "look" he reacts as though I have completely undermined who he is as a parent. From what I am learning, I assume that he feels disrespected. And he reacts accordingly. Which usually ends up with us not talking for a period of time.

So, I need to find a way to let my heart and intentions be known and, in this case, Jeremy needs to not assume that I am undermining his authority.
Am I wrong? Are we the only ones?

Truth Tuesday....Being a Mom

Having kids is…….so many things….
My friend, Rebecca and I often joke that if someone had told us how stressful having kids would be, we would have just chosen to have dogs instead. But, nobody informed us. We also know that if we didn’t have kids, we would be yearning to do so.

Like any mom, when I gave birth to my first son, I was overwhelmed with the love that I felt. I did not know that this level of love even existed. It hadn’t yet, in me. Having a child really is like having your heart walk around on its own. It is an indescribable love. You cannot know it, unless you are a mother. I believe that a mother having a child by adoption feels the same love.

So, when your child is a baby (if they are healthy) it is the most wonderful time. Getting to know this new little person that you just met, but love more than anyone else. If they have medical problems and as the healthy ones grow, it gets scary. What if something happens to them? What if this child is taken from you? What would you do? How would you survive having had this love and lost?

A mother’s love is scary and yet wonderful and beautiful and empowering. Crazy!

My kids make me insane! If you know me at all, this is no surprise. I like to be in control. I like to know exactly what is going to happen. What the outcome will be. Having kids does not fit my picture-perfect fantasy. What if they turn their backs on Christ? What if they choose a lifestyle that I don’t approve of? What if they make really horrible choices? What if they decide that they hate me and never want to see me again after they graduate? Ugh!!!! Any of those things would devastate me.
Although, none of those things would make me love my child any less. It would hurt. I have watched this happen to mothers that I love. It hurts.
I don’t know. I think that I may have preferred to be ignorant of this level of love. That would have been much safer.
I am praying that my kids will grow to be adults that love God and want to walk in His will and plan for their lives. Will they fail? Of course. I do all the time.
But, I know that as much as I love my kids, my God loves them and me, even more. That is a love that I cannot comprehend.
I am guessing that in the end, the good times will outweigh the bad. And maybe I will not remember all of the bad as my boys grow up. My heart’s desire is to have a deep and personal and real relationship with them as they grow and as they go out into the world to make their way. That would make my heart happy.
And in the end…it will all be worth it. Sometimes God gives me little glimpses that makes me think that it is.

Family Friday

I was going to start out with Fitness Friday, but since today is the day that it is, I decided that Family was more suiting.
Today, we will be attending the memorial service for our 16-year old nephew that passed away three weeks ago. I can't even wrap my mind around this. I don't know what to say about it really. 25 days ago, Ryan was a vibrant, healthy, athletic boy who was working on getting good grades so that he could get his driver's license. On a Wednesday morning he passed away at home in his bed, completely unexpectedly. Why???? How does a family move on after losing a child? I don't understand. I know that it happens everyday. People lose their loved ones and somehow find the strength to keep on living. They have to find a new kind of "normal" to walk out every day. The other kids need to have a mom and dad. They still need breakfast, lunch and dinner. They still have to get to school and sports and events. But, how does a mom make herself continue to do all of those things. I am guessing that you just have to do what has to be done even though your heart is not in it. I don't know. I am struggling with this. My heart is broken for Glenda and for Russ and for Kaitie and Sean. I don't know how you move on from here.
I know that the right and the true thing to say is that there is a reason for everything. God knows the big picture. We have to trust that there is a bigger purpose for this suffering. But that really doesn't make anything better. Not now anyway.
I didn't know Ryan very well. He is quite a bit older than my boys and we weren't around him very much. But, I have learned that he had a huge heart. He saw people for who they really were, not who they were percieved to be or who they portrayed themselves to be. He was a good friend to all around him. He was outgoing and funny. He welcomed new comers to his school. He had a gorgeous smile. That I did know. I also know that his sister and his mom adore him.
It hit me yesterday, while talking to Russ and Glenda that we should not wait until it is too late to share positive things that we see in each others' kids. So, when I notice a young person being kind or going above and beyond, I am going to share that with his or her parents. We all need to hear those things about our kids.
I want to know my kids. I want to know how they feel about things, what they think about things. What are they passionate about, what do they do only because it has to be done. That is my new goal.
I need to appreciate the kids that I have and the young men that they are growing to be. You really never know when you will hug them, or hear their voice for the last time. That is a painful thought. I want to make sure that I have no regrets (well, from here on out anyway, because I already have plenty!).
So, hug your kids, tell them how special they are to you. Make sure that you don't just think that they know that they are loved. Make sure that they actually feel loved!.

Not More Than I Could Imagine!

Ephesians 3:20-22 (The Message)
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!

I have read this verse over and over throughout the years. I will be completely honest. I have always doubted it! "God can do more than I can think, or imagine, or request? I don't know..."

Now don't get me wrong. I absolutely believe that the Bible is God's Word. It is infallible. It is Truth. I believe that God is Sovereign, Love, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient....Alpha, Omega, Creator, Healer....all the thing that the Bible tells me.

But, more than I can ask, dream, hope for, imagine? I have pretty big dreams. I hope for some gargantuan things! I ask for A LOT!!!! My imagination is very vivid and colossal! More than that? I have never truly believed it. It pains me to state that in writing, but it's true!

I have a wonderful family. My sister is my absolute best friend in the entire universe and I am hers. I love my parents with all my heart. I know that they are always there for me. I know that I can always go to them, and they will receive me with love. I have been blessed beyond words. I have a tremendously loving and supportive husband, beautiful children, and the best of friendships. My church family is extensive. I have never wanted for anything, well, necessity-wise anyway!

I am not saying that I am Pollyanna, or that wherever I go the birds and squirrels follow me around and sing with me! I have my issues. My childhood was pretty crazy and there are some deep scars. But for the most part, life is good.

However, there has always been this mystery in my life. When I was 13, I found out that I had a "biological father" out there somewhere. Then I learn that there are "biological siblings" out there somewhere. WHAT??? Questions were constantly on my mind. Curiosity. Wondering. Imagining. Confusion. Always asking why? Who are they? Where are they? What are they like? Do they know about me? Do they think about me? Do they look for me? Could that be him in the basketball stands? That boy looks a little like me...is he my brother? Always in my mind. Sometimes in the middle or toward the back. But mainly right up front and center.

For over 20 years!!!!!

So, along comes the chance to meet one of these "biological siblings". I have always tried to keep everything, in this area, very sterile in my mind. What do I expect? Nothing. What do I dream will happen? No clue. What do I ask? Just let me get through it.

As soon as I met my brother, I knew that it was right. Connection. Similarities. We have a lot of the same likes and dislikes. Not all the same. But a lot. We have a lot of little things in common, that individually are no big deal. But cumulatively, are crazy!!! We have chatted online, emailed, talked on the phone. Getting to know each other. It fits.

I had no expectation. I asked for practically nothing. I had no dream, except to have my curiosity settled once and for all. But, it hit me this morning after doing my Bible study. This verse was not in the study, but God spoke it right into my heart and life, and now I believe that God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!