You're Putting That WHERE????????

If you remember, back in the summer of 2009 I had an Right Internal Carotid Artery Dissection. I had several MRIs and CT scans, both, with and without dye :). In the images of these most wonderful and EXPEN$IVE scans was found what may be an aneurysm in the anterior left of my very beautiful and packed-full brain.
My neurologist was not totally convinced that it was an angiogram so I was referred to a brilliant neurosurgeon back in 2010. Well, when I got to that appointment the discs containing the imaging results of the CT and MRIs was completely blank. Grrrrrr...... Sooooo..... Jeremy and I got to sit an listen to this neurosurgeon tell us how brilliant and experienced he is..... s.n.o.r.e.......... He assured me that when he did receive the imaging he would call and discuss it with me. So, I waited .....and waited ...............................and waited....... And he never called. (Sounds like an orthopedic sports medicine doctor that also never called when he said he would.)
Anyway, In December I was referred to another neurosurgeon who also was not convinced that what they saw on the imaging was an aneurysm. Soooo...... she scheduled me for a cerebral angiogram. I am very familiar with cardio angiograms, as several family members have had them. I was pretty excited to get a definitive answer and figure out where to go once we knew for sure one way or the other.
I was not at all nervous about the procedure.

My motto is "When it is my time to go, I will go; no matter where I am and what I am doing."

I knew that the procedure involved having a catheter put in my upper leg so that a scope could be inserting and that it would go up to my neck, they would insert dye and get images of the veins in my neck and head. This being the case I wanted to make sure that I was adequately depilator-ied. I used my VEET awesomeness to remove unwanted hair in the general area of my upper legs and shave the lower portions. I didn't concern myself with my feet, thinking that I would wear socks the whole time. (HA!)

My mom and I got to the hospital, checked in, waited, got taken back to the room, I got COMPLETELY undressed (anyone that knows me knows how much I detest being naked and exposed), then one of the nurses said that I would have to be shaved in my bikini area for the catheter to be put in.......WHAT??????..... my "bikini" area (hahahahahahah....as if I would EVER wear a bikini) is NOT part of my upper leg!!!!!!! I assured her that I had already taken care of the area, so of course she had to check. Ugh! She approved. She, then, TAKES OFF MY SOCKS!!! NOOOOOO...... I didn't take off the peeling polish and make my toes pretty....... 

Note to self: do not go to the hospital without all of the proper preparations, no matter what you are going in to have done.

Then the doctor comes in to explain the procedure---never mentioning that I would receive any kind of sedative-type medication. I would be fully awake and participating. Oh Yay!

One of the nurses did say that I would receive a dose of I-Don't-Care-What-You-Are-Doing-To-Me-I'm-In-My-Happy-Place-Type medication. Whew! (I never got any of that. Just some lidocaine to numb the area.)

p.s. The nurses that I dealt with yesterday had a 50% chance of being nice nurses. There are some Doosies at Providence Colby, let me tell ya!

Finally, a very nice nurse came to wheel my bed into the "Angio Suite", assuring me that everything would be great. Entering the sweet I was greeted with some nice 70's disco music playing and lots of plasma screens, which would later televise my vitals. I met a lovely man, named John, who would later get to know me a little better than most.

WHAT I DID NOT ANTICIPATE..........

Once I scooted onto the table, I was completely DISROBED.....Um........ WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME LIE ON A TABLE WITH A ONLY VERY NARROW BLANKET???? OH.... a narrow blanket over the top 1/3 of me and the bottom 1/3 of me with a very narrower strip of gauze over the middle 1/3 of me........I AM FEELING VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.... oh and now I need to peeeeeeeeeeee.......... I remembered that the doctor had said it would take about an hour. Can I hold it that long???? Oh no...... after that I have to lie flat for 4 hours........ What am I going to do????? I can't ask to go to the bathroom now...I'm on a table naked. Ok..... please please please don't do anything that makes me pee uncontrollably......now is a very good time to practice my kagles..... 

The procedure was a little uncomfortable at times....the putting in of the catheter....the bursts of dye that made my head feel like it was on fire...one section at a time. But, no big deal....especially once I presumed that it was safe to say that there were no clots being pushed up to my brain, causing a stroke. (this was one of the risks)

When it was all said and done....however..... my good friend John (previously mentioned) got the job of putting pressure on my GROIN AREA (guess what......that is my "bikini" are in disguise!!!!!) for 20 minutes after the angiogram was done. Yah! I am laying practically fully exposed on a table and a strange man in holding his hand in my yoohooo area for 20 minutes. a.w.e.s.o.m.e. Of course, he was very apologetic and friendly and professional about it. BUT STILL. I just wanted to be covered up and my back was killing me and my right knee really needed to be bent. 20 minutes later, after a very nice bonding time with John, I got my gown put back on me and covered with nice warm blankies and rolled back to my room. Ahhhhhhhhh................

Have I mentioned I was not allowed any food or liquid since midnight the night before? Oh and that I am clearly an addict of the drug caffeine????? Soooo.... the headache was hitting and the caffeine did not come quickly enough. But it did come, in the form of an iced latte with a straw that I had to drink lying flat with my head turned. Sweet Jeremy....Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!

Headache was progressing, pee urgency was progressing. I had 4 hours to lie flat. What was I going to do???????? While Jeremy was out getting my coffee, my good friend and I think we may be dating now, John came back to check the "site" and detected an embolism forming, so he needed to put pressure on for a bit longer. Oh goodie! John (and his wife) is from San Diego, loves Mexican food. He is outdoorsy, likes to hike. He highly recommends visiting New Mexico, as it is very eclectic in the area of art, and has the BEST mexican food. He also has a lovely sense of humor and a love for the veins and functions of the brain. :) On a side note: When John checked on me, he noticed the very WEIRD and AWKWARD nurse so he took the initiative to check me and pressurize me to save me from her having to do it... Thank you, John!!!!! I really did appreciate that!

After lying on my back, flat, for 2 hours or so, I couldn't take it anymore. I DESPISE relying on other people. A bit of independent pridefulness, I suppose. BUT......I had to pee, my head was killing me and I was thirsty. NOT a good combination. I gave in to the use of the bed pan. What? did she just say bed pan???? Yes she did. Guess what????? I might as well have just said, hey...how about I just lie here and pee in this here bed and then you take the top layer of sheets off and let's hope that the in-between layer is, in fact, waterproof. Because that is basically what happened. And waterproof it was! Thank you nurse, I am sorry I can't remember your name, but you were really nice and funny and sarcastic and I liked you a lot! And you provided me with my first ever bed pan experience.

Water please.....from a straw from the side of my head. Thank you, Chelsea!!!!!!! Oops next time, please don't drip water down my face. :)

My headache just kept getting worse then the nausea hit. I really don't want to puke lying flat on my back, waiting for a nice healing clot to form on my artery in my groin area. Can I please get some med for it? Yes I can! Whew....... I love Phenergan!!!!!!!! Insert into IV......good night!!!!! Two solid hours of  drug-induced sleep. Thank you!

From then on, it was uneventful. I sat up, got in a chair for a bit, got dressed, walked to (and used) the bathroom and back and got wheeled out to my car. 

The moral of the story. Anytime you have ANY procedure scheduled...... get rid of as much hair as possible.......make sure your toes are polished........sneak a little nip of coffee as early in the morning as possible to avoid the caffeine headache that is inevitable.   Maybe it is time to wean myself off of it.

(Oh...and... I do have a very small 1.9mm aneurysm. I will have another CT scan in a year.)

Thank you so much, mommy for taking care of me and being here for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Sweet Ride ---insert sarcastic smile---

Things I hate about the 1992 Ford Ranger:
1. The seat belt holder thing is WAY too high so it practically cuts across my chin.
2. The inside door handle on the passenger side is broken, so I have to put the truck in neutral, engage the E-brake and get out so that Benjamin can climb across to get out at school in the mornings. (Pretty annoying. You would understand this if you take your kids to school in the mornings.)
3. The E-brake doesn't just disengage when you pull the lever. You have to put your foot under the brake, pull the lever and use your foot to pull the brake all the way up.
4. I can't roll down the driver's side window. Very annoying.
5. I am not sure how much gas I can put on, because at some point it is too much and then I will have a leak.
6. Gagging on my pride. (Which includes praying against the green-eyed monster that rears its ugly head with every glimpse of a beautiful Volvo, GMC, Toyota, Honda........you get the idea.)

Things I like about the 1992 Ford Ranger:
1. No payments.
2. We can put money that would have gone to the car payment toward paying off the other car. (And we better, because if I am driving this beauty for no reason....... you get the idea.)
3. The heater works.
4. It doesn't look too bad.
5. The radio works. (And....helloooo there is a casette tape player!)
6. The seats are kind of comfy.
7. It is a super cab.
8. It runs.
9. It isn't super loud.
10. Jeremy took off the metal rack.

Why Are the Right Things So Difficult?

I know that I need to eat healthier, and less. I need to workout more, which usually means being at the gym by 5am. Reading my Bible is a necessity.
I Love, I mean LOVE, to eat. I do not eat in moderation (CLEARLY). I don't want to eat in moderation. But I need to. It is SO hard to put the fork down when there is cake around. I don't want to stop after I have had 5 double stuf oreos dipped in milk. There are few things more satisfying than a happy full belly! I mean really! But, if I want to get rid of this excess weight (aka FAT) that I am carrying around, I have to change my thinking on this. "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Right? I wouldn't KNOW!!!!! But I want to find out!
It is just so dang hard to do the right thing!!!!!
I feel so much better every time that I make it to the gym and workout. Why do I skip days (that sometimes turn into weeks and months)???? Why??? Why can't I make myself remember that feeling of strength and accomplishment and vibrancy when I finally decide to stop playing the "snooze-button" game and turn the alarm off? 
Working out and going to church are very similar. They are always the right thing to do, but sometimes you just want to stay in bed. But once you have gone to church or finished a workout you never regret it!
I am on a journey to lose at least 30 of these excess fat pounds by the time I turn 40 in March. I have been logging my food and exercise at http://www.loseit.com/ . It is a really cool site/App for you smart phone. But when I got on the scale after 2 weeks, it had not moved anywhere but UP!!!! Grrrrrr!!!! But I will not give up. I will keep on doing the next right (even though difficult) thing, just because I know it is what I need to do!

What I Feel vs. What I Know....(today, at least)

O God,

I feel so depleted.

I feel empty.

I feel as though I am withered.

I feel that if this is all there is, what is the point.

I feel alone.

I feel forgotten.

I feel like walking away.

But,

I KNOW that you are my sustenance.

I KNOW that when I am empty YOU fill me.

I KNOW that you are the LIVING WATER to replenish me.

I KNOW that there is a PRIZE and I must press on toward the goal.

I KNOW that YOU are my EVER-PRESENT HELP IN TIME OF NEED.

I KNOW that YOU love me with an EVERLASTING LOVE.

I KNOW there is nowhere I can go that is hidden from YOU.

and

My HOPE is in YOU!

Kindapping, Circuses, and Vampires, Oh MY!

So, this has been a great couple of months of reading for me! I took an online summer class, which started of the roll. I read this great book about a 14 year old boy that began a 40 year journey of Schizophrenia. It was such a great read and very insightful into the world of mental ilness.
I also read:
 The Stranger Beside Me, by Ann Rule. This was the story of Ted Bundy, serial killer. Fascinating!
There were a couple other books for the class that I merely got through to write papers!
After the class was over, the fun began!!!!!!! The first book that I read FOR ENJOYMENT was:
 I super loved this book!!!! Such a great love story and who knew what went on behind the scenes of the circus...OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!! I haven't seen the movie yet, and I am not sure why! I need to get on that!
Next up......
I saw the movie before I read the book and I was not disappointed with either! I had heard about this book like 2 years ago and have wanted to read it. Finally got to it and I loved it so much! Each character evokes such strong emotions!
After this, I turned back to non-fiction for:
This tragic book is just seriously heartbreaking!!!! This woman grew up under horrible conditions under unthinkable circumstances. She does get rescued but has a long road of recovery to walk. My heart was broken when I finished because I just really want for her to know Jesus. I am praying for her!!!!
After this I took a little break from reading, as I tend to get consumed with it.
AND....I went on a girls weekend in September with 2 friends. One friend convinced me to watch the 3 Twilight movies, which I have sworn NEVER to watch and especially NEVER to read the books. Not because I have anything against vampires and werewolves, but because I knew I would get SUCKED in. Well.... I did. In a big way!
 
Right away in the first movie I was hooked. I knew that I was going to have to read all of the books to get all of the details! And I did. It took me approximately 10 days to read 2,490 pages of wonderfulness!!!!! I will blog more about this later, it is brewing in my mind!!!!
The next book that I will be taking on is this 800 page novel:
I will let you know!!!